By Aunty Kainene
A colleague of mine approached me for marriage advice a few days ago and at the end of narrating her ordeal, I let her know that she was the cause of her problems. You see, each time she had a disagreement with her husband, she would ask him to choose between her and and his mother, and as it is expected, the man would choose his mother and yawa go gas!
Please, women, wives ( some men are guilty of this too, but it's more rampant among women), stop this nonsense. Stop asking silly questions! If there is an issue between you and your spouse, communicate with maturity, without raising your voice, without blackmail and most importantly, without making statements such as, "You will have to choose between your mother and I" It's childish, silly, disrespectful and points to insecurity and envy.
Listen, the typical African man will not choose his wife over his mother, if only because his wife was not there when his mother conceived him, gave birth to him, fed him, raised him, had sleepless nights on his account and helped him become the man she found good enough to marry. Honestly, I don't see why women should be at war with their mothers-in-law. Mothers-in-law deserve our respect and appreciation if only for making our husbands marriageable.
If you don't want to sadden yourself, stop asking your husband to choose between you and his mother: he will choose his mother. And for those who say, "He should take his mother to bed then," marriage isn't just about the 'bed'. For those who say, "Let his mother prepare him food," remember, he has been eating his mother's food long before he married you. For those who say, "His mother could as well give birth to his children," remember that said children will not be his alone, they'll be yours as well.
All women should not be quick to forget that they are potential mothers-in-law, and that whatever they sow as daughters-in-law, they will reap when they become mothers-in-laws. Let us love our mothers-in-law, appreciate them and stop treating them like rivals for our husbands' affections.
I have the most wonderful mother-in-law in the world. I cherish her, adore her, love her greatly and I get the best of her. My husband and his siblings are playfully jealous of the bond between their mother and I.
Whenever my husband, his mother and I are taking a car ride together, I open the front door for her to sit next to my husband. I have been criticized for this so many times, but it makes her really happy (with me). The point is, if you want the best from your husband, love and respect his mother. This is my 10th year of marriage, so I think I have enough experience to offer some advice. All the best with your marriage.